Crash Reports: My 1,700th Horror – and More

I had tried to pick something that would cap another horror viewing milestone, and Cockneys-vs-Zombies-Trailer-This-Is-How-a-Zombie-Comedy-Should-Look-LikeMatthias Hoene’s COCKNEYS VS. ZOMBIES (UK, 2012) seemed like the right choice.

The film featured the amazing Alan Ford (who stole every scene) and veteran lovely, Honor Blackman even made an appearance. But in this tale, where cockney kids rob a bank to save people at an old folk’s home only to embattle zombies, didn’t live up to horror/comedy expectations. Most often, scenes were long and at times slow paced. Even worse, the CGI horror and blood spatter was only a step above a Syfy movie. The worst element was the blatant foreshadowing from the first ten minutes, which clearly telegraphed the movie’s end. So much for COCKNEYS VS. ZOMBIES (1.5 out of 5 stars).

During the last 100 horrors, I did have the pleasure of indulging in Brandon Cronenberg’s amazing surreal horror, ANTIVIRAL (Canada, 2012), and immersed myself in the bloody ambience of the MANIAC (2012) remake. Better still, I finally managed to dive into Takashi Miike’s phenomenal “Imprint” (Japan/USA, 2006), which had been unceremoniously banned from the “Masters of Horror” television enterprise. The best horror related surprise was Chad Crawford Kinkle’s unique JUG FACE (2013), and the awesome sci-fi/horror spectacle that is Richard Raaphorst’s FRANKENSTEIN’S ARMY (Netherlands/USA/Czech Republic, 2013).

Unfortunately, the amount of quality horror continues to wane. Since I have been streaming as of late, due to a bevy of shattered discs from Netflix, the pickings have been less than stellar. Most horrors have been rated one star or less from fans. Sigh.

I can only hope that filmmakers, regardless of budget cuts, will resort to better storytelling than third-rate CGI and overused jump scares. Though FRANKENSTEIN’S ARMY relied on mad scientist creature creations to blow one’s mind, the storytelling carried the film. In addition, MANIAC, JUG FACE, and ANTIVIRAL all proved that well crafted stories and characters with depth and variety can win the day no matter how many gallons of blood are spilled.

Even so, 2013 certainly was not the best year for horrors, but the fledgling New Year can still bring great things from imaginative, independent filmmakers. We’ll see soon enough. In the meantime, I’ll rely on the old standards, like THE THING, PRINCE OF DARKNESS, THE CHANGELING, ALIEN, and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, because those films resonate – and continue to bring the all-mighty creep factor.

What are your favorite “go to” horrors?

(Photo from News.Softpedia.)

6 Replies to “Crash Reports: My 1,700th Horror – and More”

  1. I actually enjoyed this movie, Yeah, it was kind of dumb but Ford and Blackman were insane. Hmm…now I’m starting to re-think my rating for it, lol.

    As for my go to horrors, here they are: Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein, Karloff’s The Mummy, The Thing, ALIEN, The Haunting, The Changeling, Psycho, Halloween, Both Invasion of the Body Snatchers (I do prefer Kaufman’s, though), The Others, Brides of Dracula, Prince of Darkness…shit, I could keep going on and on but you get the picture!

    Great post, Bill! A fun read. Love the props to Jug Face and I gotta still watch Frankenstein’s Army. I’m so behind. Argh!!!

    1. You’re behind? Never! And all of your choices are excellent. I just watched BIG ASS SPIDER! and my wife can’t remember me laughing so much. That Mendez movie is blast!

      Thanks for visiting, Vic. Be well and stay toasty!

      1. wasn’t BAS a hoot? I laughed my ass off. I’m glad you enjoyed it, man. once again, good job on the post and you be well, too! ttys!


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