THE LAST KNOCK presents: 2016’s Worst Horror Films

The Last Knock

With the best comes the worst, and 2016 definitely had its clunkers and over-rated horror films. Consider this our “naughty, but not in a good way list” and enjoy our ride down “Why the Hell did we watch that?” lane.

What horror films did you throw coal at this year?

This episodes SCREAM OUTS from Twitter:

@aicforever @machinemeannow @nicolemalonso @OklahomaWard @RealJillyG @RonGizmo @palkodesigns @MelanieMcCurdie @AFiendOnFilm @Earthunderglass @RSBrzoska @Talk2Cleo @pedroluque and Nancy LaShure

Don’t forget to weigh in with your comments. Billy and Jonny love to respond because they don’t get out much – unless it’s keeping the zombie hordes at bay, or Michael Bay, or BAE. Whatever.

10 Replies to “THE LAST KNOCK presents: 2016’s Worst Horror Films”

  1. Men, that was a superbly stellar or should I say cerebrally root cellar-filled C.H.U.Ds.show!
    Carolina style suits me just fine, but hickory semi-sweet yet tangy sauce is mo better BBQ blues down this way, but again, there’s something magical about that twangy, vinegary sauce taste atop the slow-cooked Carolina pig as it soaks the bread (bun), rendering it to almost melt-away texture.
    Every movie each of you picked blew chunks… huge ones. THE SHALLOWS, like Jon, we paid to see on the big screen, and the only thing that could’ve made it a tadpole better would be if Shamooooo would have eaten her suit off. That film gave me a balderdash rash and Amber a sullen sunburn.
    DON’T BREATHE didn’t! It was almost laughable if not for the tears and gnashing of teeth that came with it’s viewing and yes, we saw it at the theater. Hate the trukey not the baster!
    THE BOY was horrid, but TWD’s “Maggie” remains hotter than Texas Pete on raw Carolina Reaper.
    THE FOREST was instantly forgettable as we watched it… at the theater. Giving a rat’s ass about this dull search project, was impossible.
    I’d go on on but your lists were perfect.
    THE ARRIVAL is way, way, frigging way over appreciated. We saw it at the theater this past Friday, and Amy Adams could not have been more boring. It had great promise, but fizzled quickly. She’s usually boring, but in this one, she even outbored the fricking octapod aliens. If they weren’t here to annhilate us before they met her, then they changed their minds after. Her performance was like Melba toast soaked in sewage water because you’re fresh out of lactose-free 1% cow squeezinz. Add to that, this film rendered Jeremy Renner family jewels-less. Apparently, his role called for him to be almost as boring as Amy Adams without over or underacting at 57 points her. The final totally convoluted kumbaya-ish message is what drives the appeal for this one, I think… feel the yawn and frigid burn. Visualize this, Adams and Renner w/o makeup and a ton or so of pores-galore, skin blimishes, etc. facial closeups. Enough to add more butterstuff to your thundermaise when you were going stuffless this showing. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4b2e20d1a6982d128458a45d10c65abace233b0103e2747a3678abb80580d503.jpg
    Gizmo comes from…
    Thanks a ton for the Worst of 2016 Show SCREAM OUT!
    Mogwai?

    1. I still stand by DON’T BREATHE being one of my favorites for the year, but appreciate your cheeky wordplay all the same, Ron.

      Unfortunately, I think I went into ARRIVAL with slightly skewed expectations – I’d seen some extremely glowing ratings for it (I refrained from reading the actual reviews), and generally liked Denis Villeneuve’s previous films, which are “mainstream” with hints of subversion. This one felt like his transition from the darkness and cynicism of PRISONERS and SICARIO to the type of “what the world needs now is hope”-style sci-fi with a social conscience (which, despite what critics are getting at, I feel is completely incidental). As a former English major, I appreciated the focus on the linguistic aspect, but know they couldn’t make a mass-appeal movie solely on that thread. I found it earnest and, yes, kind of bland in the performances, pacing, and overall execution (it’s a film of dreary earth tones to symbolize dour moods), to the point where I kind of found the twist ending to be a cop-out; an excuse to distill the characters into vague types, and keep the performances just this side of generic. The further I get from it, the more disappointed I feel.

      1. Ron, you are the BBQ soaked melted butter on popcorn man! Love your wordsmithing, my friend.

        I couldn’t buy into DON’T BREATHE right from the beginning because bad robber girl had been smoking before the break in – and the blind home owner couldn’t smell that? Please!

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